Control and Influence

To start this Site, we’ll consider the fundamental questions of what constitutes family and how that influences the money decisions.

Leaving abstract existential musings to French philosopher and 20th Century author Albert Camus, we agree with the psychologists who argue that life is best thought of as a series of concentric circles. You are the center circle; immediate family the people closest to you make up the ring immediately outside of you. Extended family and close friends are the next ring. Casual friends and respected acquaintances are next. The Interior Minister of Turkmenistan is on a ring somewhere farther out.

The concentric circles reflect the intensity of your personal connection physical, emotional, financial. They also reflect your influence and control.


Most of us can control our own decisions and actions as long as there’s enough Prozac around. Strictly speaking, control ends there. Most of us can influence our immediate families, no matter how dysfunctional things may seem. We may have some slight influence on friends and acquaintances. As for the Interior Minister of Turkmenistan...well, central Asia is a long way away.

What does this model of control and influence do? First, it should help you think more clearly about who fits where in the priorities of your life. This may not be a big deal if your life is devoted to a spouse and a few kids. But it’s more important if you’ve had several spouses and more kids...if your significant other isn’t legally your spouse...or if you’ve raised grandchildren, nephews, nieces or other family members in your own household. Second, it should be a reminder that your ability to control diminishes sharply as you move out from the center. Most of the problems with family money come when people try to use their resources to control the rings. By the time you’re finished with this book, you’ll have a very good idea of how bad this can make things. But you’ll also have a pretty good idea of how to avoid that trouble.

The circles should remind you of who means most to you. Sometimes people forget. For example: In 1997, a Kentucky woman started several years of legal squabbles for her family by dying and leaving all of her money to the actor Charles Bronson. Audrey Joan Knauer had never met the man whose Hollywood career reached its peak in a series of low budget action movies during the 1970s (Death Wish was the most famous of them). But she loved his work. At first, Knauer’s relatives weren’t too concerned about her will’s odd twist. They thought “all of her money” meant a few thousand dollars. Because she hadn’t worked in the last decade or so, her family had assumed she was practically broke.

As it turned out, though, Knauer who had earned a Ph.D. and worked as a chemist in the 1970s and 1980s had numerous certificates of deposit and several bank accounts. In the weeks after she died, it became clear that she had more money than anyone thought nearly $300,000, after taxes and legal fees had been paid. Bronson had already received more than half of Knauer’s money by the time her family figured out what was going on. In her handwritten will, dated April 1996, Knauer who was 55 at the time left all her financial assets to Bronson, whom she described as a “talented character actor.” The will stated that, if Bronson didn’t want the money, it would go to the Louisville Free Public Library.

In the will, which had been written on a list of emergency telephone numbers, Knauer seemed discontented with at least one relative. She wrote that “under no circumstances is my mother, Helen, to inherit anything from me blood, body parts, financial assets.” This may sound extreme; but it was a pretty effective legal document. Knauer’s sister, Nancy Koeper, filed a lawsuit contesting the will in late 1998. The lawsuit made a common claim: that the money shouldn’t go to Bronson or the library because the will had been written when Knauer was “not of sound mind...nor mentally capable of making” reasonable decisions. So, the will went into probate the time-consuming process of legal review. Knauer’s sister wanted
the entire will declared illegal and the $300,000 distributed to the family. The Louisville Free Library wanted the will to be honored but modified to limit Bronson’s claims.

The case was ultimately settled out of court. Bronson agreed to pay Knauer’s sister an undisclosed sum...but only part of the total he received. The library, which turned down an early settlement offer from Bronson, ended up getting nothing.

Maybe Charles Bronson meant so much to Audrey Joan Knauer that he really belonged in her inner circle. Or maybe Knauer’s family meant so little to her that they were way out in the ring with the guy from Turkmenistan. But, if Knauer had thought more clearly about who meant what to her...even if she loathed her family, she probably would have given the library the first crack at the money. But not thinking clearly didn’t mean she was crazy.

It’s hard to say what constitutes “sound mind”as we’ll see in more detail throughout this book. And, for many people, it gets even harder when death approaches. That’s why it’s important to think about the concentric circles when you’re relatively youngand relatively healthy.

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